


"Kingdom Come"

by Eirenare



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Mutual Pining, Rey Needs A Hug, Soft Ben Solo, canonverse, soft rey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24850912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirenare/pseuds/Eirenare
Summary: "Whenever he could afford to do it, he’d fly his TIE someplace where he hoped to be able to rest, maybe even unwind. Unfortunately the opportunity hadn’t presented in around half a year already, what with the Resistance gathering more and more allies and putting up a fight while the First Order’s inner issues threatened to tear its own forces apart—and with his last memory of Rey’s silent farewell on Crait still haunting him in his sleep, with no hatred in her hazel eyes yet no compassion sparkling in them either, the Force reflecting none of these feelings."When the pressure becomes too much, Ben decides to snuck away in his TIE to a backwater planet and hides for a while in an abandoned cabin by a pond... but the Force has other plans for his little retirement.(My attempt at a songfic for the "Reylo Jukebox Exchange" event, inspired by "Kingdom Come" by The Civil Wars)
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Kylo Ren, Reylo
Comments: 16
Kudos: 62
Collections: Reylo Jukebox Exchange





	"Kingdom Come"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [no_big_deal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/no_big_deal/gifts).



> I'm sorry that it took so long (goodness gracious I'm so slow!), I hope I honored your prompt and that you enjoy the fic!
> 
> The song that inspired the fic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mh0di7Dh7A

The only good thing of being Supreme Leader was that he owed no explanations to anyone anymore.

He had to inform his council of some of his movements at the very least, still, and credible excuses were at some points a must to preserve his privacy and keep himself safe, but being in charge of the First Order allowed Ben a certain degree of freedom—which came in handy in moments like this.

Moments in which tormenting thoughts and a role bigger than him suffocated him and he wanted—no, _needed_ —to get away from it all. To try to breathe, to forget… Something he’d never been able to do during Snoke’s rule for years upon years.

Whenever he could afford to do it, he’d fly his TIE someplace where he hoped to be able to rest, maybe even unwind. Unfortunately the opportunity hadn’t presented in around half a year already, what with the Resistance gathering more and more allies and putting up a fight while the First Order’s inner issues threatened to tear its own forces apart—and with his last memory of Rey’s silent farewell on Crait still haunting him in his sleep, with no hatred in her hazel eyes yet no compassion sparkling in them either, the Force reflecting none of these feelings.

His own sheer exhaustion was quickly catching up to him, eroding his mind like a relentless tide until he could barely function, barely live—if the life he was leading could be called “living”, even.

Perhaps that was why one day, when the dam broke and a rush of deep anxiety invaded him, he snuck to his TIE leaving behind only a brief message to his council before he departed for somewhere he didn’t know yet. The only thing Ben knew was that he needed to _breathe_.

Perhaps that was why, when many hours later he found an isolated, abandoned cabin by a pond on a backwater planet where gentle winds rocked plains full of grass, he knew this was the kind place he needed. Landing his TIE in a clearing among the tall trees surrounding the little house, he wasted no time in proceeding to make the place his, even if for some hours. Whoever had built it knew what they were doing, for that type of wood had withstood more than decently the passage of time in the middle of nature. Ben couldn’t help but admire the handiwork, taking in the intricate filigrees of the stairs’ handrail and the way wood met and interwove with metal here and there throughout the cabin.

As expected there was no mattress or couches on which to sleep, the refresher wasn’t working and the furniture was scarce bordering on non-existent, but with a bit of work and the gathering of a good pile of branches, the fireplace was soon running and keeping Ben warm as he cocooned himself with his cape. Sleeping on the floor wouldn’t be comfortable, but at least, unlike his quarters on his flagship Star Destroyer, it was quiet and safe there… 

And yet, for all the calm this place brought to him, memories and thoughts wouldn’t leave Ben alone. All through the night they chased his peace of mind, insistently biting at him and filling his chest, kicking out any ounce of hope and leaving no space behind for it to fit. He summoned in desperation memories of better times, of his father holding him to his chest and his mother stroking his hair, of Luke offering his advice and helping him navigate his youth, of uncle Chewie teaching him how to drive a speeder and of uncle Lando ( _“Unca Wanwo!”_ , Ben remembered greeting him cheerfully every time) playing with him… 

But all these memories morphed and twisted into ghosts he couldn’t scare away, flashes of the past that he failed to escape from—all and every good memory was now stained forever with darkness and sorrow.

As his mind went back to that moment frozen in time when Rey had extended to him her hand and her understanding, her comfort and affection, the same old conclusion sprang in his mind: he was all alone.

Curled up tight below the dark fabric, eyes too shiny lost to the flickering flames in front of him as rain started pelting wood and grass outside, Ben could but wallow in myriad regrets and remorse. _Rey_ , he thought, the word a benediction and a curse to his soul, repeating inside his mind as though it knew of nothing else. Rey, compassionate and understanding and fierce, would’ve defended him from anyone and anything, had he come back with her. She’d cared for him, would’ve cared for him as much as he cared for her—yet of her feelings, now, he wasn’t so sure anymore. Would Rey still think of him as she drifted off to sleep, like he did every time? Would she yearn to find herself face to face with each other, fears and worries be damned in favor of the slightest sliver of hope, like he yearned so? … Would she hate him? The void inside Ben could but grow bigger, threatening to swallow him whole. Months ago he’d told Luke he was going to destroy her… Words devoid of truth, in the end—all of them.

If only he would’ve stopped the attack on the Resistance back then when she’d pleaded so. He should’ve come back with Rey, trust in the faith she held that the light in him wasn’t lost even if he felt otherwise. He should’ve done so many things… 

He could only hope this growing exhaustion in his bones would be quick to plunge him to sleep… 

… A feeling deep and true that, across the stars and far away from Ben, unbeknownst to him, Rey was experiencing as well.

Lying face up on an old little cot in a world much different from Ben’s, taking deep and slow breaths as she meditated to help her sleep, Rey’s mind was just as much of a mess: nothing was going well.

Not the negotiations with potential new allies, not her own training, and certainly not her train of thoughts itself. She was no stranger to meditation, having done it almost daily throughout these last seven months, and it often soothed her enough, but tonight it seemed her worries wouldn’t leave her alone. At day it was fairly easy to distract herself, but nighttime was a whole different thing.

The night was peaceful and mostly quiet, the sounds of jungle muffled by the thick fabric of her tent, the sight of the dark sky brimming with stars a beauty to behold as she stared at it in awe through the plastic window…

The night was peaceful and quiet, yes—but so lonely, too.

It reminded Rey of her life in Jakku, in certain ways.

A life where doing what was necessary to live another day was what mattered most, where she’d wonder what might lay ahead of her in this life as she looked up at the vastness of cosmos and where future was as scary as it was uncharted... and unlike in Jakku she had friends here, yes, but there was no one with whom she dared share all these feelings and more, no one who’d understand them.

_Except for Ben_ , came the thought, uninvited and irritating and more than a little painful. _Ben would understand._

Sighing in frustration, Rey sat up and dangled her legs on the edge of the cot. Tired hazel eyes went once more toward the window of her tent, and she wondered if Ben would be out there navigating among its stars or underneath them in any of the myriad planets of their galaxy… 

And suddenly she felt even lonelier, this ache in her chest known and yet new.

Ben would understand, but Ben wasn’t there. Not with her, their hands tremulous as fingertips met with a gentle touch, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle blissfully solved—a moment vulnerable and trascendental where finally, _finally_ , the belonging she’d wanted and waited for too long was in front of her. It laid beyond her watery eyes, in the form of a young man whose gaze mirrored that same epiphany that filled her soul at the recognition of their bond, at their mutual compassion and affection.

The fires of war were roaring outside, and yet a big part of Rey’s mind could but think of what might have been, had she—had they—chosen differently back aboard the _Supremacy_ . Maybe she should’ve stayed with Ben, not to rule, but to help him coax the light inside of him, to help him accept it—to show him a love they’d both been denied for too long, a love she _knew_ he’d show her too, and make him see he could still come back. Carrying Ben’s unconscious body to an escape ship and back to the Resistance (more like hauling him, given his build) would’ve probably been useless, surely he would’ve woken up before she got out of the _Supremacy_ , but… what if she’d tried?

Or maybe… Maybe Ben could’ve ordered his forces to stop firing over the Resistance’s fleet. For a brief moment Rey allowed herself to imagine Ben running away with her, them fighting together to find themselves away from the First Order… to imagine them simply together, with no war separating them. Holding each other gently, fears soothed and solitude erased in warm embraces and whispered words, the bliss of belonging washing over them at long last.

Rey shoved that last mental image away from her—the longing for it hurt more than she could take.

Would Ben think of what might’ve been? Of the “what ifs” their lives could be now? Maybe he wouldn’t, after all… Maybe she wouldn’t plague his thoughts as he plagued Rey’s, the memory of his touch a lingering echo in her skin, the softness and desperation of his plea forever etched in her soul. Maybe he didn’t care about her anymore, his affection exchanged by bitter feelings.

Her fingertips found the scar on the upper part of her right arm and she idly traced it, the raised pink skin there forming a shape all too familiar—like two hands reaching out to each other.

A reminder, one all too cruel, and the sight of it made her eyes sting with unshed tears, her chest tightening.

It was then, at some point as she absent-mindedly brushed against the scar, that the flow of the Force around her started to shift, its tides ebbing and flowing in a manner different than usual that Rey couldn’t quite pinpoint despite the familiarity of it. Frowning, she closed her eyes just as she opened her heart to the Force and plunged into it, her breaths deepening and slowing down… 

_Oh._

She knew what this was.

Rey quickly opened her eyes to find a figure dressed in black lying on her feet with his back to her, barely fitting in her tent even curled up, and her heart skipped a beat—months and months after she’d put an end to their last connection, Ben was there.

She braced herself, but just like her, he seemed to not have realized what that shift in the Force was at first after so long without experiencing it… and for a moment, Rey stared. She stared at a man shaking, tightening the grip on his cape until his knuckles formed a stark contrast of white over black. Any other person, had they looked at him, would’ve thought he was merely shivering from the cold of wherever he was—but Rey could feel his Force signature pulsing with grief, its silent sobs and cries shaking the energy around him… No, not just the energy. His whole body trembled with it as much as from the cold. Ben’s tears were very much real.

Her gaze softened.

“Ben”, she whispered.

Gentle as it was, the sound cut through the mist of drowsiness in Ben’s head like a knife.

He jolted and scrambled to his feet, startled, this voice he hadn’t heard in what felt like an eternity filling the cabin just as light seemed to fill the Force all around. Hazel met coffee as their stares met, and for a moment the world came to a halt as they explored the changes in each other, the dark bags under his eyes and the further conquest of freckles across her face, the stubble across his jaw and her longer chestnut hair falling freely down shoulders and collarbone.

“Rey”, he croaked as he took in her form, half hidden in the shadows and half illuminated by the fireplace as she sat somewhere he couldn’t see from his side of the connection.

A silence, tense and brewing with too many feelings, befell them—and to their relief, none of them even remotely hostile.

“I heard you crying”, Rey said, hesitant.

Was he? Ben brought a hand to his cheek, and his skin came back damp. Still, he couldn’t say he was surprised about that—it wasn’t the first time he’d spilled his share of tears about this over the years, after all, and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last.

Rey awaited for an answer, tense, and watched as Ben sat a bit farther from her on the floor—silent, wrapping once more his cape around him with a shiver and throwing his hood over his mop of dark hair. Still no answer, his gaze evasive, mortification rising all around him.

Swallowing around the lump in her throat, Rey took advantage of the fact that he wasn’t looking to gather her thick blankets and slide to sit cross-legged right next to Ben, wrapping them around him gently.

“You were cold, right? Here.”

She’d expected for Ben to not allow her the gesture, but instead he kept still, tenser, his breath tickling against her cheek for a brief moment as she adjusted the blankets.

“Why are you doing this?”, he whispered, drained of all energy. “I’ve given the Resistance nothing but hell these months.”

The reminder stung, and yet, Rey couldn’t find anger or hatred in herself—only sadness.

“I know”, she sighed. Her eyes sought Ben’s, but the way he tensed his shoulders and kept his gaze away made his discomfort clear to her, and Rey gazed at the ceiling of her tent instead. Her hands fidgeted with the hem of her pajama pants, an old habit of hers to deal with nervousness. “I know that as much as I know _you_ , Ben”, she started, eyes still on his form. “And you don’t want to do that.”

Ben snorted, but his intention to answer as Kylo Ren, hiding behind his persona, sank before it could even float—he was tired. So, so tired… 

His silent told Rey more than he was willing to say out loud, and so did his hands, trembling on his lap—the myriad of emotions coming from him was a chaos hard to decipher, but Rey didn’t try to. Didn’t insist in her earlier statement, either. Instead she slowly reached out a hand towards his, her heart thudding a wild rhythm under her ribs as she prayed Ben would allow her touch.

He did.

Rey’s fingers traced his, way longer than hers and colder, waiting for Ben to trace hers in return before daring to intertwine them. He didn’t dare to look at her face (how could he?, Ben thought), shame and regret building up in his chest until his breath became uneven.

“You’re right… I never did”, he confessed. “But I don’t know how to stop this. I don’t—”

His voice broke down, a sob racking his body as tears started to fall down his face.

Ever so gently, Rey extended her other hand to reach out for his face. Slowly once more, to give Ben a chance to retreat. But Ben knew his cards were laid on the table now, the mirage he’d built around himself for the last months vanished now without a trace, so what sense did it make anymore to hide his feelings when all he wanted was to feel, for once, something other than pain?

Ben’s narrow face met Rey’s hand in the middle, and she wiped the wetness on the corner of his eyes, below them, on his cheeks, on his stubbly chin. He leaned against her touch, reveling in its warmth.

“What do _you_ want?”, Rey asked, shiny hazel eyes boring into his.

There was no hesitation to be found in Ben as he answered. Not in his voice, nor in the way he looked back at her—only longing, and something that brought back memories of warm words and touch beside a fireplace, of gambles against the rules and little rebellions born from the fire that fueled their bond.

“I want you”, said Ben softly.

Tears found their way down Rey’s freckled cheeks, sudden and quick, and the sight would’ve worried Ben if it wasn’t accompanied by a spike of utter happiness and the start of a smile—his words filled Rey with joy and a hope she’d been afraid that could’ve been lost, that the Ben she knew was still there… The same feelings flooding Ben now, too, the fear of rejection gone.

But still… It couldn’t hurt to ask, right?

“And you?”

Rey brought his hand to her lips to kiss his knuckles, her smile reaching eyes filled with affection and forming dimples that Ben had no idea she had—a smile that made one of his own curve his lips upwards. “I want you, too, silly.”

For long minutes they stayed like that, holding each other's hand and leaning shoulder against shoulder, their minds brushing against each other as well as they rested inside their own sanctuary of calm and belonging.

And when the moment of bliss ended as Ben’s mind took him back to the reality outside the cabin a while later, when his breaths became too quick and anxiety got him in its claws, Rey was still there—holding him against her, hands rubbing his back and whispering encouragement until he had no more tears to shed and neither had she, until his sorrow faded into a deep drowsiness.

“I’m with you”, said Rey, a hint of fierceness in her soft tone. “I’ll always be.” Ben nodded against her shoulder, allowing her to trace his long face and the beauty marks on it, her soothing touch bringing calm to wash over him. “Deep breaths, Ben… There, good. You’re doing very well. We’ll go through this together.”

_Force, what have I done to deserve her?_ , he thought, overcome with affection, his arms wrapping around her waist tighter.

In such a fashion Ben was almost asleep in her arms now, his face all nuzzled against her neck as they held each other, and Rey took a moment to commit to memory his features, knowing that the moment his consciousness faded into sleep, so too would fade the connection for who knew how long.

He murmured something then, his words ininteligible, but she didn’t need to hear what he’d said to know what it was when the love swirling in the Force around them was so loud and his lips were pressing a gentle kiss to her jaw.

She smiled fondly, placing a rebel strand of hair behind a lovely big ear.

“Ben”, she murmured, trying not to stir him awake too much. “Where did you say this planet is?”

At that Ben, too sleepy to realize Rey’s intentions, opened an eye just a crack and mumbled: “Alda System... Planet Eshar…”

Her smile grew bigger.

Anticipating the end of the connection she helped Ben to the floor, tucking him in properly with the blankets and adding a pair more just in case, and prepared herself for a little trip.

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this was fun, and I love now that song so much (I didn't know it before!)


End file.
